Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Toxic Positivity / Negating others feelings

Another request here to read my post about things that annoy and trouble me.
https://marybirds.blogspot.com/p/not-helpful-phone-calls-facebook.html

Reminder - I spent last week with IV equipment taped to my chest while undergoing daily chemo.  This was to spare me from extra needle sticks, not to give you a painful place to give me a noogie.  PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH ME, because you can easily hit somewhere that hurts and also because this chemo can completely tank my resistance to disease.  You can infect me and delay my next treatment. 

About Toxic Positivity.   Ruling my feelings inconsequential with platitudes (everything will be all right).   You don't know that and it is very painful to hear that level of superficialness.  You can say "it sucks" or "I'm sorry" and not offend me.  But you can't tell me my feelings are not valid (it is going to be all right) without getting an immediate and very negative reaction from me

Now about those other annoying questions.

Don't ask how long I'm on chemo.  It's not like jail.  I don't have an end date. 

I'm on chemo.  I'm on chemo until it works, I give up, or I die. 

It's not a polite question to ask how long I'm going to be chemo. I don't have a clue, and my Drs don't either.  It's a constantly shifting timeline, partly it's changing Drs a couple times in the next month.  Mostly it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.   

Monday was another stupid question.  Woman chemo survivor comes over to tell me how everything is going to be all right.  Seriously?  I asked her how she knew better than my Drs!  Just because you or someone you know survived a poor cancer percentage is not transferable to me or others. I tell people right off (including this person) that I'm not there to talk about cancer but that's' what they want to talk about, as though that overrules my saying I'm not there to talk about cancer. 

People.  I rarely say something I don't mean. 

Ugh.  Today I have a bit of a sore throat that doesn't seem to be cured by Tylenol.  I was up in the night having over eaten at the holiday event yesterday / Monday.  My system wasn't ready for it.  Still isn't.  But I'm catching up on RGVBF stuff (still fun) and work tasks, but will likely not cook at all for Turkey Day.  Too much rich food!  I'm working my way through some homemade butternut squash soup, hoping that helps with yesterdays excesses. 

More birds.